twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i dont even know how to be here
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
