just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
