I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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