My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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