Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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