She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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