Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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