listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
