But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
