I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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