You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
