i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
