this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's great music for shaving your balls
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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