Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
