Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize