Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize