no you cant smoke seaweed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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