new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
