I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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