Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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