I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
