Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
