She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
