forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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