champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize