Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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