i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
