In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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