Its about making memories worth repressing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
