Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
