fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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