we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
