Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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