i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
