i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
