News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
