on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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