So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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