I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
