I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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