So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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