I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
