I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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