I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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