The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
