So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
