is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dear god my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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