Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
