Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
