my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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