can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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