I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize