When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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