What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
