You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
