New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize