by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
