on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pooping to opera.
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