I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
