I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
