if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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