My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
