I faked an abortion last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
