He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
