I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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