Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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