I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
