you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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