You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
even my farts smell like vagina
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
