took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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