i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
