do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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