Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize