That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
