You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
